The Dating Issue */ Warning – This Issue Contains Dangerous Amounts of Sarcasm /* In this Issue -1- Editorial -2- Relationships – Cheaters Never Win, Are We All Losers? -3- Ask Jaems -1- Someone noted that my posts are really long. Thus, I’ve decided to take my time between issues, in order to give everyone the chance to get through each article. Perhaps it can be read in installments – a few sentences or words a day, depending on your energy levels. Try a Red Bull to get you through that last paragraph. Today’s articles are fairly long; but to keep balance on this page I’ll post pics (as you may have noticed in my new Visual_ade module) in case words and sentences aren’t really your thing. For new readers – 95% of the things I say/write are done so jokingly, so don’t take it to heart. As always, keep your heads up… stay positive… go to your local pet store and pet a puppy. One. -2- If you’ve been in a relationship, you felt the burn of cheating at one time or another. Perhaps you’ve been cheated on or have cheated on your significant other (s/o). However, even if things haven’t gone to that extent, you’ve at least felt the pangs of jealousy or insecurity; seeing someone flirt with your s/o, or having your s/o get all hectic on you because someone was spitting game at you. Why all the stress? Do we even know what we’re stressing over? I’ve noticed huge discrepancies from relationship to relationship, when it comes to defining cheating. What is cheating? Is it a kiss, a dance, a dinner, a movie, being intimate, messing around, a lapdance, giving out your number? I proffer the following definition, based on the lowest common denominator among a number of various acts categorized as cheating – cheating is engaging in an activity that is normally and exclusively reserved for one whom you are romantically committed to. My question is why do most acts of cheating revolve around the physical aspects of a relationship? Yah, it stings to see your s/o getting they groove on with someone else, but if I were to tell some girl other than my s/o that I was feeling her, would that be considered cheating? What if I started calling other girls honey-bunny, or boo-bear, or my butt-love, would that be cheating? What about paying too much attention to your car or to your fish or your dog or your toy model collection – would that be considered cheating? What about just entertaining thoughts of cheating – thinking about someone else or even something else (if you’re into that kinda thing) more than you think about your s/o? If someone is thinking about eating a pizza while they are having kissy-kissy time with their s/o, have you cheated on them with a pizza? Ok, I admit, most of this is ridiculous, but think of it like this… when we say “I love you” to our s/o we are expressing our heartfelt feelings to them. We are not saying, “I love to get my groove on with you” or “Making out is the bomb”. If there is a definitive line between love and a physical relationship, would it be cheating to have stronger romantic feelings for someone other than your s/o? HopelessInside asked last issue if you should feel guilty for having a crush, while you’re in a relationship, even if you don’t act on it. Truthfully, we don’t have much control over our feelings. We do have control over our actions, and we can choose to act on feelings, or entertain feelings in our minds, rather than push them aside. So HopelessInside, I don’t think you should feel guilty, however, you may want to ask yourself if you’re where you really want to be. So what is cheating? I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen so don’t try to prevent it… it’s either gonna happen now or it’s gonna happen later, so just let it happen and be about your business. *Edit – clarification: “it’s (cheating) gonna happen so don’t try to prevent it…”, meaning if your s/o is gonna cheat on you, most likely it’s inevitable, so don’t drive yourself crazy obsessing over every little detail, asking them to give you a status report on how they spent every waking minute away from you.* -3-
Big_Daddy_Nipps from New Hampshire asks: I’m dating someone for the wrong reasons. I’m a 30 year old guy who’s blessed, I look about 20 something young. Up until now I’ve dated really smart, independant, beautiful girls with a lot going on. Now I’ve suddenly found myself dating a 21 year old girl who’s blonde, has big boobs, is kind of dumb, she’s kind of bitchy, and for some reason I like all those things. I mean, beyond the physical attraction, I actually enjoy dating her. It’s easy to make her happy, easy to make her laugh, she’s fun loving and flirtatious. Is this wrong of me? ::shakes head laughing:: Big Daddy, I don’t see what the problem is here. Blonde, big boobs – good… kind of dumb, won’t ask questions when you’re out late with the boys – good… kind of bitchy? Let’s be honest, BDN… what female doesn’t have that side to them? It’s a well known, scientifically-proven fact, my friend. No matter who she is, or where she’s from… there’s some Eskimo chick right now, smacking her man over the head with a cold trout, cause he was out late with the boys, putting dollar bills into some skank polar bear’s thong, instead of staying at the igloo, watching Alaskan Idol, and cuddling with his woman on the ice couch. And the age difference… is that really an issue for you? Your name is Big Daddy for crying out loud… I suspect you’ve got some unresolved, subconscious R. Kelly issues that you continue to battle with. Remember, BDN, 15 will get you 5-10. On the real: There doesn’t seem to be a significant difference between the girls you’ve dated and the 21 year-old you’re dating now, save for the fact that they are at different stages in life. Perhaps your 21 y/o is not as sophisticated or professionally successful, but she’s still young and has a lot to learn. As for being kinda dumb – hopefully you’re not just generalizing or applying the typical blond and beautiful stereotype. One positive sign about this relationship is that you are not just physically attracted to her, which means a lot. The things that you really enjoy about your current relationship are things that are the foundation of all successful relationships. Don’t undermine the fact that you get along very well, just because she’s not the typical girl you would date. I think what you need to do is figure out what your goals and objectives are right now, and how they relate to this girl. If you just want to date and have fun, that’s fine. Just be sure to be upfront with your girl. At the same time you should try to find out what her intentions are. Perhaps you’re apprehensive because you can see yourself in a serious relationship with this girl, but you are afraid of what she or others might think. Best thing is to be honest with yourself, and then with her. Next Issue *Child-Rearing – Are Our Kids Growing Up Too Fast? Edit – Current News Updated (see side module): |
Monthly Archives: January 2004
The New Year’s Issue
In this Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- Food – Fine Dining Experiences
-3- Psychology – The Bright Side of Things in Really, Really Dark Places
-4- Advice – Ask Jaems
-1-
Welcome to the first issue of the new year, folks! Hope everyone had a good holiday. Well, with the new year comes new things. As you’ll see in this issue, there’s a new feature entitled, “Ask Jaems”. Simply put, you ask questions, I answer them. Ask about life, love, I don’t care; but every issue I’ll randomly pick a question, answer it, and give you a shout-out.
In other news, as I’ve traversed the Xanga landscape, I’ve discovered an enormous amount of talent. Writers, poets, artists, musicians, photographers; there’s no end to the hidden treasures that Xanga holds. Most times it is rather haphazardly that I’ve stumbled upon interesting sites. With so much raw talent available, it seemed a shame that it wasn’t more accessible. It got me thinking that perhaps we (the Xanga community), could create some kind of magazine or newsletter that would showcase the stories, photos, poems, etc. that Xangans have to offer. Perhaps some of these Xangans make use of their talent professionally, but it appears that many are untapped resources, with something to offer the masses. Well, it was just an idea. So, if you have time, wander around Xanga aimlessly, and I’m sure you’ll stumble upon some pretty cool stuff. Happy New Year folks 🙂
-2-
They asked on some game show which state had the most number of diners, and the answer was New Jersey [where I live, but I front like I’m from NYC, since I’m only 20 min. away; what a bridge and tunnel guy I am 😉 ]. For those in the other 49 states, allow me to describe what a “diner” is, in order to delineate standards of fine cuisine within the borders of the Garden State. Typically, a diner is represented in film and television, as a sleazy roadside outhouse of an eatery; a truck stop with unidentifiable, colon clogging viands served by a hairnet-wearing, gum-chewing, yellow-toothed, Lee Press-On Nail rockin’, haphazard make-up applying-in-the back of a pick-up truck riding waitress, and prepared by a greasy, dirty, obese, perpetual-cold-having-sneezing-on-the-food, slimy chef. So does this equate to New Jersey being one big truck-stop? Perhaps, but more importantly what does this say about the diets of New Jerseyans? They say an average person’s yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs and in a year that person will have swallowed 14 insects. I’m quite certain that living and eating in NJ significantly amplifies those numbers into the 100’s. But hey, on Beverly Hills 90210, they had their Peach Pit diner, so I suppose if they have diners in Beverly Hills, then they can’t be that bad!
-3-
In line with my newly adopted optimistic approach to life, I constantly remind myself that, “there is always someone who’s worse off than you.” This really helps to put things into perspective and makes me realize how trivial many of my problems really are, when I consider those in famine/war/epidemic – stricken places. For the majority of the world, this principle is applicable, but what I want to know is who is that one guy who’s got it worse than everyone else. There is a finite number of people in this world, so there’s got to be that one dood, who just has the crapiest life of all. I mean, dang, what is this guy… a flipper arm-having, two wooden leg riding, double hump back, double D man-boob sporting, cyclops with no teeth, a speech impediment, and a horizontal learning curve? Whoever, and whatever he is, my heart goes out to him, but on the bright side – things can only get better right? I mean, if you’re at the very bottom, you can only go up, right? With that in mind, whoever has the second wackest life better watch his back… he may very well soon be #1! So there you have it, even if your life sucks more than everyone else, fret not for things can only get better! 🙂
-4-
Miss Teapot from NY asks: Is there anything wrong with giving back a gift that someone gave you? Are there always ulterior motives when a guy gives a girl a gift unexpectedly over the holidays?
Well Miss T.P., I think the only thing you need to give up is your guilt; keep the gift. Additionally, if you play your cards right you can probably milk this guy for more stuff. I’m assuming he got you something somewhat expensive, which came in a little blue box (girls, you know what I’m talking about, and guys in long term relationships with big credit card bills know too) because I don’t think you’d be feeling guilty if he got you a coffee mug. So just keep doing whatever you’re doing, shake your money-maker because by the time he figures out that he can’t buy his way out of a platonic relationship, you’ll have a ton of cool stuff.
On the real:
I say go with your gut on this one. If you’re feeling like this gift was given with strings attached, it probably was. I don’t see anything wrong with being upfront with the guy and letting him know that you don’t feel comfortable accepting his gift. For he may feel that by accepting his gift, you are open to his advances, and assenting of his romantic intentions. Especially if he is a friend, you want to be clear with your feelings in order to avoid deleterious consequences to your relationship.
Next Issue
*Dating – Cheaters Never Win; Are We All Losers?
Edit – Current News Updated (see side module):
2004.01.14 07:04PM Wed
jae1775 