Can’t Bear to Be Away So Long

Hey, what up, cubs and bears?  Rumors have been swirling about regarding the return of Xanga.  Well… the return of bloggers to Xanga.  Going back and reading old posts and getting all nostalgic, you can’t help but wish to come “home” again.  That and I need a creative outlet.

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The evolution of a thought.

Heading Home From Work 10 AM: “A man isn’t a man until he’s spent the night on the couch in his office”

Revised thought: “A man isn’t a man until he’s fought a bear.”

Twitter: Bears are so gangsta but need to work on their image. Yogi, Smokey, Teddy, Care Bears, Winnie the Pooh been givin em a bad rap for too long.

Xanga:

What’s up with bears? Bears are cool. They’re savage, ferocious, beasts. How come all the famous bears are wusses? Yogi Bear, Winnie the Pooh, Smokey the Bear, Teddy, and all the Care Bears. If I was a bear I’d be furious that these were the guys representing me and all of Beardom. One of these guys steals picnic baskets and hangs out with a midget bear. One is an emo bear who hangs out with other emo animals and drowns his sorrows in honey. Another is just a tool with a stupid hat and another you cuddle with when you go to sleep at night. And the rest could have a full-fledged gay bear parade all by themselves. And what about that one bear who hangs out in your laundry and makes it all soft? Now, by themselves there isn’t anything wrong with these bears but they definitely are misrepresenting their kind to the rest of the world. Kinda like when George W. Bush was our president.

With these “soft” bear ambassadors how can bears get any respect from the rest of the animal kingdom. No wonder so many people get mauled by bears. We are conditioned to think that bears are these big, cuddly, soft, friendly things that we can go up to and just hug.

Not the case. At least not yet.

I was thinking, why don’t we domesticate bears. How long did it take to domesticate dogs? Bears would be so much more useful to have around. They could help you move big stuff like your fridge or your broken down car. I would much rather have a bear protecting my house while I’m away than some lazy dog. If I had to go out late at night in some sketchy area I’d take my bear with me to protect me.

“Rawr! Stay close to me, Jaems”

“You bet your furry butt I’m staying close, Mr. Bear. We in tha hood.”

But then I suppose other people would bring their bears and it would just end up being a vicious cycle of bear violence. Bear on bear crime. It would be unbearable.

So in conclusion, I suppose the bear community will have to endure this gross misrepresentation. All they can do is grin and bear it. As for those of us who wish to have domesticated bears, we will have to do without this luxury and get by with just the bear necessities.