Please accept our deepest sympathies for you in your time of woe.
What in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks? I wonder why I can’t just write a normal e-mail. I suppose being weird is much for fun and entertaining. Maybe this e-mail will be a combination of both. Let’s give it a try.rn
Sorry to hear things haven’t been so good lately. I hope I’m not making it any worse by saying this – as long as I’ve reknown you (last Aug/Sep), it’s seemed that you haven’t been very happy in general. I know you always have trouble sleeping, unless I’m telling you a story or talking to you and then you go to sleep right away and I’m left as I most often am – alone with my problems. Sike!rn
Sike is a great word I think. It’s like, "Ha! Got you! Sucka! I’m gonna git you, sucka! Now, go on. Git!" I don’t like "Psych!" That spelling is pretty gay.
Now, speaking of Psych, I think we should address your problems. Now, just bear with me as I’m not yet fully certified and licensed to practice, but one more online course with the University of Tanzania and I’ll be able to prescribe over-the-counter medications. So let first lay some groundwork for the sake of this discussion. For this exercise we will assume that you have a number of problems of varying degrees, with 1 or 2 major, reoccurring, interrelated problems. Let us draw our attention to problem #1. We shall term problem #1, "The Pee-Pee Problem". Why don’t we act out a little scenario:rn
"Oh lawd! I done peed my pants! Oh the pee-pee, oh the pee-pee! It flows. Mah legs is all wet, my pants is all wet, and my carpet done got peed on. Ugh… na na na na!"
"There… I’ve cleaned up the rug and dried my legs. I’ve put on a fresh pair of panties and parachute pants. Everything is all better now!"
Please accept our deepest sympathies for you in your time of woe.
What in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks? I wonder why I can’t just write a normal e-mail. I suppose being weird is much more fun and entertaining. Maybe this e-mail will be a combination of both. Let’s give it a try.
Sorry to hear things haven’t been so good lately. I hope I’m not making it any worse by saying this – as long as I’ve known you, it’s seemed that you haven’t been very happy in general. I know you always have trouble sleeping, unless I’m telling you a story or talking to you and then you go to sleep right away and I’m left as I most often am – alone with my problems. Sike!
Sike is a great word I think. It’s like, “Ha! Got you! Sucka! I’m gonna git you, sucka! Now, go on. Git!” I don’t like “Psych!” That spelling is pretty wack.
Now, speaking of Psych, I think we should address your problems. Now, just bear with me as I’m not yet fully certified and licensed to practice, but one more online course with the University of Tanzania and I’ll be able to prescribe over-the-counter medications. So let’s first lay some groundwork for the sake of this discussion. For this exercise we will assume that you have a number of problems of varying degrees, with 1 or 2 major, reoccurring, interrelated problems. Let us draw our attention to problem #1. We shall term problem #1, “The Pee-Pee Problem”. Why don’t we act out a little scenario:
“Oh lawd! I done peed my pants! Oh the pee-pee, oh the pee-pee! It flows. Mah legs is all wet, my pants is all wet, and my carpet done got peed on. Ugh… na na na na!”
“There… I’ve cleaned up the rug and dried my legs. I’ve put on a fresh pair of panties and parachute pants. Everything is all better now!”
<!–
D(["mb","
***Bzzzztttttt***
rn
rn
Wrong answer! Everything is not all better now. The problem isn’t solved! It hasn’t even been addressed! It’s not a matter of what do I do with all this pee-pee everywhere, it’s why is there pee-pee everywhere. It’s not how can I deal with all this pee-pee, it’s how can I prevent pee-pee from happening. rn
rn
rn
And therein lies the answer to all your problems – dehydration. The only way to avoid embarrassing pee-pee moments is to completely dehydrate yourself. And that means running everywhere, even when it isn’t necessary. And always wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt under your normal clothing. Even if it’s summer and your at the beach in a bikini, make sure you have sweatpants and a sweatshirt under that bikini. And stay nice and sweaty. Even if it’s from the toilet to the sink, be sure to run, and keep on jogging in place when your stationary. Watching a movie? Stand in the back and jog as you watch. Standing in line at the bank? Do some jumping jacks and stay motivated. Repeat to yourself as you jump those jacks, "I don’t want to pee-pee my pants. I won’t pee-pee my pants. I control the pee-pee, it doesn’t control me. Pee-pee won’t beat me."rn
rn
rn
Well, there you have it. And I am so pleased with this e-mail, that I am going to post it on my website.
rn
rn
May your days be pee-free.
rn
rn
The king inside of me,
rn
“,1]
);
//–>
***Bzzzztttttt***
Wrong answer! Everything is not all better now. The problem isn’t solved! It hasn’t even been addressed! It’s not a matter of what do I do with all this pee-pee everywhere, it’s why is there pee-pee everywhere. It’s not how can I deal with all this pee-pee, it’s how can I prevent pee-pee from happening.
And therein lies the answer to all your problems – dehydration. The only way to avoid embarrassing pee-pee moments is to completely dehydrate yourself. And that means running everywhere, even when it isn’t necessary. And always wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt under your normal clothing. Even if it’s summer and you’re at the beach in a bikini, make sure you have sweatpants and a sweatshirt under that bikini. And stay nice and sweaty. Even if it’s from the toilet to the sink, be sure to run, and keep on jogging in place when you’re stationary. Watching a movie? Stand in the back and jog as you watch. Standing in line at the bank? Do some jumping jacks and stay motivated. Repeat to yourself as you jump those jacks, “I don’t want to pee-pee my pants. I won’t pee-pee my pants. I control the pee-pee, it doesn’t control me. Pee-pee won’t beat me.”
Well, there you have it. And I am so pleased with this e-mail, that I am going to post it on my website.
May your days be pee-free.
The king inside of me,
James
did you know that it’s impossible to pee yourself? well, unless you have stress incontinence!
i heart coldplay. i already have tickets for them when they come down to miami. 😀 cool to find another fan of them.
interesting… i sorta remember the last time pee-pee beat me. i didn’t let it though. i just couldn’t help it.
oh lawd that was funny! i think im gonna use that now, if you don’t mind. it’s fun!
jun
Looks like no one else wants those tickets!!! Sold to the highest bidder, that would be me plus one, gee can you take a wild guess who that would be??? C.O.D.
i’d soo love to go to coldplay! they rock!!!!! =) that was funny! haha
lol.. i use “psyche”, actually.. but if i’m feeling daring, i use “sike”.. yep yep. i get sort of a-crasee like that <–yes, fob accent!
ur entry should not have been pee… but about the “doo” … u have problems… hahahahahaha
LOL i had no idea the word “pee-pee” could be THAT funny. i was tearing. it was bad.
thanks, mr. prez
Coldplay is awesome…I would love to go! =)
Ahhh damn you JAMES!!! Shoot you shoulda texted!!! I just read this blog now!!! AND ITS TOO LATE!!! AHHHH!!!
JORDYMAN
Your pee-pee advice is awesome. It’s actually really good advice, given in such a great context that they have to take it.
thanks for the eprops =)
Jaems! Post more! I heart you! Bye bye!HAelee Or Leehae…..which ever you prefer.
what makes you say that?
i should have known that you would have one too!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY from all of us to all of you(r personalities)… LOL… just kidding!
i’ve got one more year left here in korea, and then maybe my next base will be in Maryland or Hawaii. despite all the hype about Hawaii, i hope i get orders to Maryland. i miss the east coast!!
my mommy and daddy says no problem anytime and when are you guys coming back!! lol wut da? i think she loves you guys more than she loves me ew that’s so messed up but hey i dont know much about technology crap.. so tell me what you think about that damn samsung. it looks cool and it’s handy as hell … that’s pretty much the reason why i liked it. i know basic but i don’t know if it’s supposed to be good or what lol so help out a lady will yah!! miss you come visit again k and this time stay for more than 5 hours damnit!!!
dude, i still can’t get over your “dark meat” comment. you suck!
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