Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you…
Author Archives: jae1775
The Pursue Your Passions Issue
In This Issue
In This Issue
–1- Editorial
-2- Harajuku Boys – Episode 2
-2- Harajuku Boys – Episode 2
-1-
What up, all you geishas and samurais? I feel like I should say something deep like don’t cry over spilled milk because that means you’re emo and emo boys and girls almost always get their milk taken away by bullies in the lunchroom or something. So stop wasting your time crying and go and run and hide and drink your milk so you can grow up to be big and strong and kick bullies’ butts.
So yeah, hopefully this video will suffice. Wait! I know… I put a lot of blood, sweat, and sneezes into making this particular episode, but I really enjoyed myself in doing so. And just like when I got that new video game when I was a kid, I just couldn’t tear myself away, even long after my body wanted to shut down. So I hope you enjoy the video, but even moreso, I hope you find that something that you can’t tear yourself away from, and that drives you to keep on truckin’.
Be easy.
So yeah, hopefully this video will suffice. Wait! I know… I put a lot of blood, sweat, and sneezes into making this particular episode, but I really enjoyed myself in doing so. And just like when I got that new video game when I was a kid, I just couldn’t tear myself away, even long after my body wanted to shut down. So I hope you enjoy the video, but even moreso, I hope you find that something that you can’t tear yourself away from, and that drives you to keep on truckin’.
Be easy.
-2-
The Coming Home Issue
In This Issue
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- Harajuku Boys – Episode 1
-2- Harajuku Boys – Episode 1
-1-
What up allyou, pcs and macs? Ok, I’m back. Well, sorta. Actually, I’m in Japan right now. A lot has happened in the past year… actually a lot has happened in the past 2 days or so. I’m still that wacky cat, but with a few modifications. Just watch the video below and we can gets to catching up a little later on.
Be easy.
Be easy.
-2-
The Get It While It’s Hot Issue – UPDATED!
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- Gonna Gets Me an Edumacation
-3- Run For Your Life!
-1-
Ok kiddos, those of you who are going to the Science Day on Saturday, please register here:
http://www.poly.edu/admissions/undergrad/events/index.php?id=66
Now, pop quiz everyone, especially those of you who are coming on Saturday. What is wrong with this picture:
—
What up, zippers and velcro? No, I have to admit, I am not back. I think Xanga is more or less a wrap for me. I’ve got a half-written entry in Private, some essays on napkins, the old notebook, but I think it’s pretty much a wrap for me. I read through a lot of my old entries and while I still giggle at some things, I realized a lot of what I wrote was pretty whiney… whiney and self-pitying and annoying. As though I had it that bad. These days, I have to admit things are pretty good. A lot of it has to do with adjusting my spectacles. I simply see things differently nowadays and I really can’t complain. In relation to that, I think I’ve run out of material. I know many comics rely on their problems in life for their bread and butter. I don’t think I really have many problems or at least any problems worth making fun of.
I’ll probably still post when I have personal news and announcements and such, as I do today. Aside from that, I really don’t have much desire to write anymore. I have more of a desire to do.
First order of business – I’ve got two invitations I’m extending. See below. Next order of business. I work in NYC now at East 53rd and Lexington. Anyone in the area who wants to meet up for lunch or dinner, please hit me up. It’s a big city and I’d like to get to know it better. I’ve wanted to work in the City ever since I graduated. So now that I’m here, won’t you please show me around?
Ok, high fives all around and of course…
http://www.poly.edu/admissions/undergrad/events/index.php?id=66
Now, pop quiz everyone, especially those of you who are coming on Saturday. What is wrong with this picture:
—
What up, zippers and velcro? No, I have to admit, I am not back. I think Xanga is more or less a wrap for me. I’ve got a half-written entry in Private, some essays on napkins, the old notebook, but I think it’s pretty much a wrap for me. I read through a lot of my old entries and while I still giggle at some things, I realized a lot of what I wrote was pretty whiney… whiney and self-pitying and annoying. As though I had it that bad. These days, I have to admit things are pretty good. A lot of it has to do with adjusting my spectacles. I simply see things differently nowadays and I really can’t complain. In relation to that, I think I’ve run out of material. I know many comics rely on their problems in life for their bread and butter. I don’t think I really have many problems or at least any problems worth making fun of.
I’ll probably still post when I have personal news and announcements and such, as I do today. Aside from that, I really don’t have much desire to write anymore. I have more of a desire to do.
First order of business – I’ve got two invitations I’m extending. See below. Next order of business. I work in NYC now at East 53rd and Lexington. Anyone in the area who wants to meet up for lunch or dinner, please hit me up. It’s a big city and I’d like to get to know it better. I’ve wanted to work in the City ever since I graduated. So now that I’m here, won’t you please show me around?
Ok, high fives all around and of course…
Be easy. Attention Employees! Join us for Siemens Science Day at Polytechnic University in Brooklyn, New York on Saturday, October 1, 2005 from 9:00 am – 5:00 pm. Bring your family and friends because Siemens Science Day has something for everyone! Students can participate in fun, hands-on science and engineering activities. Parents can learn how to prepare their child for the SATs or finance a college education. Teachers can participate in professional development workshops. Several hundred people are expected to attend Siemens Science Day at Polytechnic. We’re looking for employee volunteers to help with the following: 1. Greeting students, parents and teachers as they arrive to the event and directing them to the opening ceremony <!– rnrn For more information, including a list of workshops, directions, etc., please visit: www.usa.siemens.com/sciencedayrnrn rnrn We look forward to seeing you on October 1st!rn rn //–>Registration is required. If you would like to attend or volunteer at Siemens Science Day, please respond to this email or send a note to Generation21@sc.siemens.com. For more information, including a list of workshops, directions, etc., please visit: www.usa.siemens.com/scienceday We look forward to seeing you on October 1st!
-2-
The lowdown:
2. Assisting in escorting students to the appropriate workshops.
3. Assisting with fun, hands-on science activities
D(["mb","Registration is required. If you would like to attend or volunteer at Siemens Science Day, please respond to this email or send a note to Generation21@sc.siemens.com.
The event is open to the public and admission is free. Lunch will be provided for those who register. Don’t miss the chance to win exciting prizes and giveaways!
rn
rn
rn
rnrnrnrn”,0]
);
D([“mi”,8,2,”10692962f632c34d”,0,”0″,”Palugod James”,”Palugod”,”James.Palugod@sc.siemens.com”,”me”,”Sep 26 (1 day ago)”,[“jaemsmail@gmail.com”]
,[]
,[]
,[]
,”Sep 26, 2005 9:19 AM”,”FW: Siemens Science Day at Polytechnic University – Saturday, October 1, 2005″,””,[]
,1,,,”Mon Sep 26 2005_9:19 AM”,”On 9/26/05, Palugod James wrote:”,”On 9/26/05, Palugod James <James.Palugod@sc.siemens.com> wrote:”,,,[“”,””,1]
,””]
);
The event is open to the public and admission is free. Lunch will be provided for those who register. Don’t miss the chance to win exciting prizes and giveaways!
rnrn d) guaranteed safe location in downtown Manhattan and all the free spring. Cost is $10 per person. You need a pass/ticket from me in advance. Email me with your name and location, then we’ll pick one person at your location to mail in a group check and have me mail the passes to. Iselin NJ interns can see Dominik Uznik and pay him. Spots go fast so please reserve your place soon via email and I’ll get the passes out to you ASAP. rnrn Thanks all for your interest in the summer River Dog Trip…don’t miss these two great fall events and feel free to invite other interns from other companies…email or call me with any questions/ rnrn Regards, rnrn rn Kind Regards,rn rnrn Dominik Uznikrn rnrn Siemens Corporationrnrn rnrn (voice) 732-590-5232rnrn rnrnrnrn”,0] //–>You also get the following: a) Official Marathon T-shirt b) Official Marathon Rain Jacket c) VIP Access Pass to Central Park finish line area d) guaranteed safe location in downtown Manhattan and all the free spring. Cost is $10 per person. You need a pass/ticket from me in advance. I got this e-mailed to me at work by the interns. There are tons of interns at our our NJ/NY offices and they’re like some kind of really cool sub-community within our organization. They have all these fun activities and their networking is incredible. I’ve been trying to penetrate their network for years and now I’m finally on the invite list! Woohoo! Anyway, let me know if anyone is interested in coming with me to this. Act now, because supplies are limited (that and because I know those tickets are really for the interns so I won’t ask for many unless they are really having trouble getting rid of them, which I doubt)
-3-
More fun stuff:
SUNDAY NOVEMBER 6TH…NEW YORK MARATHON VIP VOLUNTEER WATER STATION EVENT
I have run 3 NY marathons and am a member of the NYRRC…I have 75 reserved spots at the exclusive Mile 16 Manhattan location to help hand out water and sports drinks to the runners…this is the premium super safe location with the best views of elite runners and celebrity runners. <!–
D(["mb"," You also get the following: a) Official Marathon T-shirt b) Official Marathon Rain Jacket c) VIP Access Pass to Central Park finish line area
Chuck Dashiell III
rnRIVERDOG SPORTS & OUTING CLUB
rn"It’s what I do!"
rn908-463-1775
rnrn
rnrn
Corporate Communications & Marketing rnrn
170 Wood Avenue Southrnrn
Iselin, NJ 08830, USArn
(email) dominik.uznik@sc.siemens.comrn
);
The Cheapie Issue
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- Do Sweat It
-1-
What up, rockers and rockettes? Welps, here I am once again in desperation. I’m looking for 2 people who are into Coldplay and are available for:
Tuesday, 9/6/05 8 p.m. Madison Square Garden Section: 224 $70.50 ea
Need to know latest by tomorrow morning. So what do you say, folks?
By the by, I intended to post more than just a lame invite. It’s below, but I suppose it isn’t really standard posting material either. In fact, it’s an e-mail I sent to a friend this morning. At any rate, it’s an opportunity for you to see that even outside of the Xanga world, I’m still weird. I promise to try harder to unweird myself. I admit that as of late, I’ve had no choice but to be Mr. Seriouso and no sir, I don’t like it. But there is a time and a place for everything, and at this particular time and in this particular place/space, it is my obligation to keep my tie a little tight and my chair in upright position.
Hope you all are staying upright and not uptight.
Be easy.
-2-
From: jaems <jaemsmail@gmail.com>
Reply-To: jaems <jaemsmail@gmail.com>
To: *The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent*
Date: Jun 29, 2005 11:23 AM
Subject: Re: Please leave a message at the beep
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Add sender to Contacts list | Trash this message | Show original
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D(["mb","
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D(["mb","
D(["mb","
Good day, Sir:
rn
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Please accept our deepest sympathies for you in your time of woe.
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What in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks? I wonder why I can’t just write a normal e-mail. I suppose being weird is much for fun and entertaining. Maybe this e-mail will be a combination of both. Let’s give it a try.rn
rn
rn
Sorry to hear things haven’t been so good lately. I hope I’m not making it any worse by saying this – as long as I’ve reknown you (last Aug/Sep), it’s seemed that you haven’t been very happy in general. I know you always have trouble sleeping, unless I’m telling you a story or talking to you and then you go to sleep right away and I’m left as I most often am – alone with my problems. Sike!rn
rn
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Sike is a great word I think. It’s like, "Ha! Got you! Sucka! I’m gonna git you, sucka! Now, go on. Git!" I don’t like "Psych!" That spelling is pretty gay.
rn
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Now, speaking of Psych, I think we should address your problems. Now, just bear with me as I’m not yet fully certified and licensed to practice, but one more online course with the University of Tanzania and I’ll be able to prescribe over-the-counter medications. So let first lay some groundwork for the sake of this discussion. For this exercise we will assume that you have a number of problems of varying degrees, with 1 or 2 major, reoccurring, interrelated problems. Let us draw our attention to problem #1. We shall term problem #1, "The Pee-Pee Problem". Why don’t we act out a little scenario:rn
rn
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"Oh lawd! I done peed my pants! Oh the pee-pee, oh the pee-pee! It flows. Mah legs is all wet, my pants is all wet, and my carpet done got peed on. Ugh… na na na na!"
rn
rn
"There… I’ve cleaned up the rug and dried my legs. I’ve put on a fresh pair of panties and parachute pants. Everything is all better now!"
rn
rn”,1]
);
//–>
Please accept our deepest sympathies for you in your time of woe.
What in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks? I wonder why I can’t just write a normal e-mail. I suppose being weird is much more fun and entertaining. Maybe this e-mail will be a combination of both. Let’s give it a try.
Sorry to hear things haven’t been so good lately. I hope I’m not making it any worse by saying this – as long as I’ve known you, it’s seemed that you haven’t been very happy in general. I know you always have trouble sleeping, unless I’m telling you a story or talking to you and then you go to sleep right away and I’m left as I most often am – alone with my problems. Sike!
Sike is a great word I think. It’s like, “Ha! Got you! Sucka! I’m gonna git you, sucka! Now, go on. Git!” I don’t like “Psych!” That spelling is pretty wack.
Now, speaking of Psych, I think we should address your problems. Now, just bear with me as I’m not yet fully certified and licensed to practice, but one more online course with the University of Tanzania and I’ll be able to prescribe over-the-counter medications. So let’s first lay some groundwork for the sake of this discussion. For this exercise we will assume that you have a number of problems of varying degrees, with 1 or 2 major, reoccurring, interrelated problems. Let us draw our attention to problem #1. We shall term problem #1, “The Pee-Pee Problem”. Why don’t we act out a little scenario:
“Oh lawd! I done peed my pants! Oh the pee-pee, oh the pee-pee! It flows. Mah legs is all wet, my pants is all wet, and my carpet done got peed on. Ugh… na na na na!”
“There… I’ve cleaned up the rug and dried my legs. I’ve put on a fresh pair of panties and parachute pants. Everything is all better now!”
D(["mb","
***Bzzzztttttt***
rn
rn
Wrong answer! Everything is not all better now. The problem isn’t solved! It hasn’t even been addressed! It’s not a matter of what do I do with all this pee-pee everywhere, it’s why is there pee-pee everywhere. It’s not how can I deal with all this pee-pee, it’s how can I prevent pee-pee from happening. rn
rn
rn
And therein lies the answer to all your problems – dehydration. The only way to avoid embarrassing pee-pee moments is to completely dehydrate yourself. And that means running everywhere, even when it isn’t necessary. And always wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt under your normal clothing. Even if it’s summer and your at the beach in a bikini, make sure you have sweatpants and a sweatshirt under that bikini. And stay nice and sweaty. Even if it’s from the toilet to the sink, be sure to run, and keep on jogging in place when your stationary. Watching a movie? Stand in the back and jog as you watch. Standing in line at the bank? Do some jumping jacks and stay motivated. Repeat to yourself as you jump those jacks, "I don’t want to pee-pee my pants. I won’t pee-pee my pants. I control the pee-pee, it doesn’t control me. Pee-pee won’t beat me."rn
rn
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Well, there you have it. And I am so pleased with this e-mail, that I am going to post it on my website.
rn
rn
May your days be pee-free.
rn
rn
The king inside of me,
rn
James
“,1]
);
//–>
***Bzzzztttttt***
Wrong answer! Everything is not all better now. The problem isn’t solved! It hasn’t even been addressed! It’s not a matter of what do I do with all this pee-pee everywhere, it’s why is there pee-pee everywhere. It’s not how can I deal with all this pee-pee, it’s how can I prevent pee-pee from happening.
And therein lies the answer to all your problems – dehydration. The only way to avoid embarrassing pee-pee moments is to completely dehydrate yourself. And that means running everywhere, even when it isn’t necessary. And always wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt under your normal clothing. Even if it’s summer and you’re at the beach in a bikini, make sure you have sweatpants and a sweatshirt under that bikini. And stay nice and sweaty. Even if it’s from the toilet to the sink, be sure to run, and keep on jogging in place when you’re stationary. Watching a movie? Stand in the back and jog as you watch. Standing in line at the bank? Do some jumping jacks and stay motivated. Repeat to yourself as you jump those jacks, “I don’t want to pee-pee my pants. I won’t pee-pee my pants. I control the pee-pee, it doesn’t control me. Pee-pee won’t beat me.”
Well, there you have it. And I am so pleased with this e-mail, that I am going to post it on my website.
May your days be pee-free.
The king inside of me,
James
The Go, Go, Go Issue
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-1-
Hey, kids and keds. Weird, didn’t I just post? Feels like it’s way too soon to be posting again. But, hey you gotta do what you gotta do. And not just that but you gotta do it when you gotta do it. And I gotta do it. Get it? Got it? Good…
Yuck, I feel rusty or something. Maybe I’m past my prime. Perhaps, I should have retired from Xanga a long time ago. I love Jordan, and it almost hurt to see the decline in his level of playing towards the end of his career. Were it anyone but Jordan, it may have detracted from the legend and tarnished his greatness. However, I can understand how difficult it must have been for Jordan to let go of something he was so passionate about. At any rate, I’m certainly not the Jordan of Xanga, but the point was/is: am I due for a retirement? Well if anything, I should at least adopt a “Post every post, like it’s your last” approach.
Ok, homework assignment. In one word or more, describe what Xanga means to you.
Xanga, my xanga, is my manual for life. Though initially on a subconscious level, I gradually came to realize that Xanga was the perfect medium for me to capture and record my life lessons. Part of the learning process is taking what you’ve been exposed to and regurgitating it, but in your own words, your own understanding. So I take what I learn, and I weave it into a nonsensical story about Smurfs, or penguins, or ninjas. Now, please don’t make the mistake of thinking that I post with the intention of teaching what I’ve learned. It would be illogical to attempt to teach the teacher (“Now student become master!”). That’s right, folks – I learned it by watching you! (one of these days, I’m going to have to do a “Spot all the obscure references in Jaems’ post game”) I may have mentioned it before, but one of my favorite pastimes used to be spending hours and hours drinking coffee and just talking, preferably one on one or in a very small group. Sometimes it could take hours and hours to break down the other person’s walls, so they could feel comfortable and secure with me and just be real about whatever. It didn’t matter who my company was, because there’s something to be learned from everyone, a new perspective with which to see the world from. My whole theory was, take whatever good lessons you can from these folks who’ve been gracious and trusting enough to share it with you and implement it in your own life. The next part of the learning process – application, taking what you’ve learned and putting it into practice. In that regard, Xanga becomes a help once more, because it’s serves as a check for me. I post something, I gotta stick to it, right?
Ok, so that was a long, boring segment about nothing. I’m supposed to be telling some jokes now, no? Maybe later. Right now, I’d just like to thank you for teaching me with your posts and your comments and I hope that I’ve been able to make you smile more times than I’ve made you feel that way you feel when someone accidentally farts in front of you and then it’s all quiet and then the smell kicks in and it gets even more quiet and there’s so much tension that your body feels like the fibers in the fabric of a Smurf’s pants (man, those are some form-fitting pants).
Be easy.
The Non-Issue
In This Issue
-1- Plea Bargain
-1- Hey, people. Sorry, I know this isn’t a real post, but I promise one is coming soon. My thought processes still occur in Xanga post format. Yes, that’s right. Have I ever imparted that to you? When I sit and contemplate life, usually on the drive to work, or in the shower (yes, I sit yoga style on the floor of my shower in between lathering and rinsing, to facilitate proper penetration of the soapy suds into the dark depths of my belly button), my thoughts occur in a monlogue style, reminiscent of my Xanga posts. So, Xanga you are still in my heart and my belly button! Ah, yes, the purpose of my post – at this stage in my life, I have found that more than anything, I have associates, as opposed to friends. It’s to the point, and perhaps a few of you can relate to this, where you feel that you’re surrounded by people and still, you feel you’re utterly alone. You’re in the center of an enormous dinner party, and it appears that people are chattering with one another at obnoxious levels, but everything around you is silent except for the resounding thoughts of loneliness in your head. Sike! Truthfully, I really don’t feel like I have a lot of “friends” in the strictest sense of the word and I more or less maintain a very business-like relationship with everyone, but that’s ok. I still have Xanga to hit up, when I need that instantaneous, pseudo-friend response. I mean, let’s be honest. A good number of you don’t know me from Adam (West from the original Batman series), and then there are those who think they know me but have no idea (The Diary of a Mad Band). But regardless of our level of intimacy (ooh, racy!), I still like you guys and would like to invite you to come with me to see Anna Nalick. Howie Day’s ok, but his name is too Beaver Cleaver for my liking. It almost sounds like a response to a question, sort of like: “Hey John, how was your day?” “Well Chip, work was good, the wife and kids are swell… it was a Howie Day!” But, then again, Mr. Day’s music can be a little moody, so I suppose it could also go: “Hey, Billy. Why the long face?” “I don’t know… my fish died this morning…. drowned in the bathtub, I got hit by an old man’s scooter this afternoon and then he got off and punched me in the gut for getting in his way, and my apartment building smells like old cabbage… I guess I’m just having a Howie Day.” Well I guess the point is at $25, you can’t go wrong (I’m paying more for lawn seating at the Coldplay concert!) So, um, can someone come with me to the show? How sad for me (the fact that I put up a post with no substance, not the fact that I have to resort to an online medium in search of people to socialize with). Should I fail in eliciting any response, it will be a good life exercise for me, not unlike the “Is it ok to go to movies alone” dilemma.
More shows – I want to see the Sugar Water Festival and Jack Johnson… nothing better than live music… except for bootleg DVD’s and $0.25 juices.
-New Issues Whenever-
The Kid is Back Issue
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- The Sweetest Thing
-3- Prominent Figure ***Limited Time Only*** (Update – Sorry It’s Gone!)
-1-
What’s crackin’, decorative hand towels and toilet seats left up? I haven’t had a proper Xanga entry forever. There was a time when I wouldn’t think of leaving my house without my Xanga notebook. Now, I leave it at home because it’s just extra weight in my already stressed out messenger bag. I was thinking of consolidating and sporting a man purse. Then I realized that those two words were never meant to be together: man-purse… awww, like me and my Xanga. Kidding people. Just know that sometimes the speaker/writer will intentionally say/write something to elicit an oooh, ahhh, or ohhhh. Why do you think there are some many shows and radio bits focused on playing pranks on people: Punk’d, Boiling Points, Phone Taps, American Idol. Yeah, I believe American Idol is as much about making fun of people as it is about finding real talent.
Ramble, ramble, ramble.
It’s been different without Xanga, but not as different as I thought it would be. Truth be told, Xanga was a crutch for me for a while. It was dang near my identity. I told someone that if it wasn’t for Xanga, I probably wouldn’t talk to a lot of the people I talk to now. She replied that that was sad. I’m still debating whether it is or it isn’t. Whatever the case, now I guess I’ve learned to not just walk, but run.
Be easy.
—
I’ve been gone a while, so I’m going to take my time getting back into this. I’ve had some other posts sitting on the backburner for a while, but I’ll gradually bring them to a simmer, and though the information may be dated, I’ll serve ’em up soon.
-2-
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea because I haven’t been feeling well lately. It’s a nice, simple remedy for flu-like symptoms. All you need is a cup of hot water, a little bag of dirt with a string, and my choice of sweetener, honey. One quick sidebar: I hate when the bag o’ dirt breaks open. Then you have all this dirt floating around and you have to start over again. How come iced tea is made from powder and not dirt? I used to look for earthworms as a kid (last night), and I’d usually find them in a pile of dirt under a rock or log or something. That looks just like the dirt you find in teabags. *End sidebar* Ok, so very few ingredients go into making a nice, hot cup of tea, but for me it takes forever. Why? The honey. We have these tiny little plastic containers of honey in our office kitchen and I usually use two for a large 16 oz cup of tea. Do you know how long it takes to pour out that honey? I’ve seen old people on crutches, with bifocals and a nervous twitch thread needles faster than that lazy ol’ honey can drool its way out of its little container.
It made me wonder, “Who fills up these little containers with honey?” Who gets the honey from the bees in the first place? That ain’t no job where you wanna be coolin’ out waiting for the honey to drip its way into your bucket. Bees are mad by nature. They are born with built-in weapons. When was the last time you saw a baby with a sword attached to its butt? Bees have butt swords and I imagine they spend a good deal of time sniffing flowers and doing whatever it is they do to make that honey. Then someone goes up in their little bee condo with a Safari Joe hat and cheese cloth draped over it and steals their liquid gold? You know this is a formula for a bad situation. Look what happened to Macaulay Culkin in that movie. Yeah, that’s right – the bees got him. Bees don’t hesitate, even if you are a cute, pre-pubescent star of Home Alone. Bees don’t hesitate, even though stinging someone would mean giving up their own life. Once they’re ticked there’s no:
“I think I’ll let him go for now. Queen Bee is throwing a jam this weekend and I want to party one last time”
It’s all about:
“No, Frank, no! Don’t do it! Don’t sting! I don’t want to lose you!”
“I don’t give a hoot. If I’m going down, I’m taking that honey-getter with me!”
It’s like all these bees have extreme cases of road rage. And while we’re at it, what’s the deal with road rage? Have you ever been a passenger in a car when the driver gets road rage? S/he gets cut off and then they start driving all crazy to catch up and then what? You think the driver is going to do something insane like crash into the other car and then they just start screaming and cursing and the window’s closed and the other person can’t even hear anyway. There’s all this swerving and speeding and you’re gripping your seat like somehow your adrenaline induced strength will allow you to initiate the ejector mechanism, flinging you to safety, and permitting you a sigh of relief as your parachute guides your gentle descent. So what is it about being in a ton of metal moving at a high velocity that causes us to be more prone to uncontrollable fits of rage? How come no one ever gets sidewalk rage? Walk around NY and I’m certain you’ll get cut off more times than you can count. How come you never see someone start speedwalking all crazy and then start yelling and flailing their arms about at someone who cut them off? I think this would make for a great psych case study or something so I’ll have to come back to this another time. So anyway…
When the guidance counselor asks you if you wanna be a honey-getter when you grow up… pass.
Now a syrup-getter. There’s a job I can do. I’ve done some research and if I’m not mistaken, syrup comes from trees. Trees are not dangerous, unless you live in Middle Earth and even then if you’re nice enough to them, they may help you to topple the stronghold of the evil wizard. So what would being a syrup-getter entail? Not much, I suppose. You stick a spigot in a tree and let the tree take a leak in your bucket. I imagine that would take some time, so I suppose you could read a book or take a nap while you’re waiting. Now there’s a job I can get with.
In the event that you ever face the same dilemma I have in preparing tea with honey, please consult the diagram below. As you can see, the heat and steam rise into the honey containers accomplishing two things: 1. The increased heat cause the honey molecules to move more swiftly translating the heat energy into kinetic energy 2. The steam condenses on the honey, thereby creating a honey-water mixture which is a less viscous substance that facilitates drippage into the green tea potion. Thank you and good day to you.
-3-
-New Issues Whenever-
The Ain’t No Stopping Us Now Issue
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- Fight or Flight
-3- You’ve Got the Cutest Little Baby Phase
-1-
What’s good, pinks and blues. Ok, I missed last week because I was traveling and didn’t get back until late Monday night and for whatever reason I didn’t want to have a non-Monday post. Welps, although a week late, I want to thank my pals up North for being so hospitable as they always are. Ahh, Canada – it’s a nice place to visit…. and a nice place to live!
Yes, sir, I wouldn’t mind moving up there. It’s almost like living in the U.S. with a few minor differences. In Canada, all the stores and restaurants are very reminiscent of stores and restaurants in the U.S., but not quite the stores and restaurants of the U.S. They’ve got Esso gas instead of Exxon, Chapters instead of Borders or Barnes & Noble, and Tim Hortons instead of Dunkin’ Donuts (I concede, Tim Hortons kills D&D). In Toronto, there’s an area that reminds me of Greenwich Village in NYC, except that it’s much, much smaller and people actually get along. I’ve never seen such an eclectic bunch of people in such a small space (only a few blocks) that actually seem to get along quite nicely. I mean watching a Harley-Davidson looking guy and Latin guy playing soccer in the street of a busy shopping district, while a Rasta dude cheered them on was a pretty unusual sight to me. I don’t know, maybe I’m just enamored with Canada right now because I haven’t spent enough time there; not unlike the stellar first few dates you have with someone, only to find out about their annoying habits later on. Canada is like diet U.S. – same great taste, half the calories. People seem to be a little more laid back there, and there doesn’t appear to be a lot of crime. The only incident worth mentioning was when a sasquatch came out of the forest and tried to take my snacks, but that was quickly taken care of as I instinctively ninja-punched him in the sascrotch.
In other news, a few friends and I were driving last night when Lenny Kravitz’ “Heaven Help” came on my cd player:
Me: Dang, this song makes me want to fall in love. When I hear this song, a video montage starts playing in my head. Like it’s me and some unknown chick walking in the park and I buy her a hotdog and a soda and then she accidentally squirts ketchup all over me and we start laughing. Then we’re running in the grass and fall in a bed of flowers and she starts rubbing a flower on my nose and I sneeze and we start laughing. Then we’re at her apartment just chillin’ in our sweats and she’s tossing grapes into my mouth and one bounces off my nose and we start laughing. Then we’re driving on the highway in a convertible, beautiful weather, wind blowing in our hair, smiling all cheesy.
<breakdown in the song hits>
Me: Oh, this is the part where we get into an argument. Then I’m in a coffee shop trying to read and I can’t concentrate because I keep thinking about her. Then it cuts to her at her office and a problem at work arises which gets her all flustered, but she realizes what’s really bothering her is that she can’t stop thinking about me. Then it cuts to us in our apartments, both staring at the phone wanting to call each other, and we even pick up the phone and start dialing, but then just throw the phone down on the bed and walk away frustrated. Then I’m at the coffee shop and she walks in and I don’t see her and she doesn’t see me and I leave.
<song ends>
Friend: And that’s how it ends, you don’t get back together?
Other friend: You gotta wait for the next song for the continuation.
Me: Yeah, that’s how he sells albums.
Later on…
Me: Yo, I gotta get a girlfriend, man.
Friend: Yo, chill with that. You got too much to do right now, you gotta stay focused, Jaems.
Me: Yeah, I know. I just feel like girls are a distraction right now.
*<greenday> …I walk alone, I walk alone </dramatic music>
I remember back in college, there were some students who were so focused on academics that they would simply decide that they didn’t have time for a relationship. I could never understand such a stance until now. I’ve got so many things going on right now which are very, very important to me and truth be told, if I did have the opportunity to be in a relationship (which I don’t, so I don’t know why I’m complaining), I probably wouldn’t be able to dedicate as much of myself to it as I should. So thanks to my good friend for pointing that out to me and holding me down. I am so focused right now and I can’t be stopped.
One last bit of rambling on my part (hopefully, you just skipped over this editorial and went straight to the articles). I pull up behind a guy at the sandwich counter in our cafeteria today. A woman comes from the side and stands at the counter beside the guy in front of me. Another woman comes from behind me and stands in between the woman already there and the guy in front of me and the two women start talking. Guy gets his sandwich, deli guy asks for the next order and I order. One of the women says, “Excuse me but we’re standing here, too.” My reply? “I’m sorry, I thought you pulled up after me.” After I left, I felt somewhat indignant, thinking “She cuts me and then has the nerve to say something when I take my rightful turn ordering. She probably doesn’t even realize she cut me, oblivious to the world around her and then expecting concessions because of it.” In situations such as this, what is the best way to handle it? Should one graciously take the blame upon him/herself to avoid both parties being embarrassed? Should one point out the other’s error? Should one start flinging slices of ham onto the other party’s face?
Well, it was a trivial thing and I just tried to shrug it off, because you know how we do:
Be easy.
—
Articles later tonight!
You can send your “Ask Jaems” questions to jaemsmail@yahoo.com
-New Issue Every Monday-
The Funk and Wagnalls Issue
In This Issue
-1- Editorial
-2- Life – All You Can Eat
-1-
What is up, yankees and confederates? I’m posting on-location in Alpharetta, Georgia, about 20 minutes outside of Atlanta. Isn’t that ludacris! Ha, that sucks, but I had to do it. It sucks, but you have to do it. I’m finding that that statement is a lot more relevant to my life these days, than it’s ever been. I’m still not completely comfortable with this whole being an adult and having responsibilities thing. It’s like, you become older and steadily, things become less and less about you and more about other people. And things like crying, whining, throwing tantrums and crapping your pants become ineffective forms of drawing attention back to where it belongs – yourself. Trust me, I’ve ruined my fair share of britches testing that out. As you get older, more and more people become dependent on you, most especially these little people who insist on calling you Daddy when you’re at the mall trying to talk to hot college chicks. Kidding, I don’t have any kids that I’m aware of. Still kidding, folks – loosen up a bit. Many times we don’t realize what kind of impact our actions have on others, especially on children (even if they aren’t our own). I’m certain we recognize that we have a relationship, an interdependency, an effect on the people we work with, our families, and friends but we should recognize that it often extends beyond that. People all over the world are interconnected in ways that we sometimes can’t even fathom. Take your Xangas for instance – who knows who reads your posts. You may see comments from that same group of friends consistently, but who else has stumbled across your post and how have they been affected by it? Or how much have your friends been affected by your words, beyond what they’ve commented.
Consider this chain of events: Customers of a company pull out dissatisfied, president of the company comes down on managers, managers come down on employees, employees go home and come down on wives, wives come down on kids, kids kick the dog, dog bites the cat, cat eats a mouse.
Now I know that’s a rather simplistic example, and hierarchical, and I’m rambling but what I wanted to illustrate is that our actions, including those we perceive as trivial, can have an extensive and enduring impact. I remember points in my childhood where I know my life literally took a turn, for better or for worse, because of the things that people said or did. I am very grateful for the people who have changed my life for the better and in many instances they may not have even realized that they did.
Ok, let’s see if I can wrangle all of this back in to a point. I am almost completely overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and obligations I have presently. I sometimes feel stressed because of my present role and place in life. But I will strive to do the things that I have to do, and I will strive to do it right. In the end, I hope that things I have done, although trivial in the eyes of some, will have been of some value, some help, some good to someone out there who needed it at that very instant. The customer praised the company, the president applauded the managers, the managers rewarded the employees, the employees brought flowers and chocolates home to their wives and told them they loved them, the wives hugged and kissed the children, the children played in the yard with the dog, the dog playfully chased the cat, the cat looked at the mouse and turned back to it’s catfood, the mouse went home and took care of it’s mousy babies.
Be easy.
-2-
I sometimes find myself in a state of boredom and I feel foolish for it. How can anyone ever be bored, I wonder. Life is a buffet.
Growing up I can remember wanting to be everything I ever watched a movie about. A karate kid, a ninja, a cop, a soldier, a scientist, a lawyer, a Batman, a Superman, a King Kong… the list goes on and on. I’ve had so many “2-week” hobbies that I should go into hobby rehab. I can’t stick to one thing for very long without coming across something else that catches my interest and distracts me.
So many unread books, unfinished projects, unfinished songs, poems, Xanga posts, so many trips to be taken… and the world is such a big, big place. I’m sure there are even some cool things in my own town that I haven’t discovered yet.
I resolve to not be bored anymore. Life is too full of wonders and interesting things to be bored. Next time I find myself feeling bored, I think I’ll try to finish one of those hobbies I started. Now where did I put those nunchakus?
You can send your “Ask Jaems” questions to jaemsmail@yahoo.com
-New Issue Every Monday-
jae1775 